Blue Haired Boy Blues
by alainamay
Summary: I didn't want to leave Harry and Ginny, or James, Al, and Lily, and I definitely didn't want to leave Victoire, but I blamed my rash actions on self-hatred and the lingering grief of my deceased parents. I also didn't expect to learn life lesson from a lesbian muggle girl named Desiree with pink hair but sometimes things just happen out of your control.
1. Chapter 1

I got the idea after May 2nd. As usual we went as a family to the ceremony at Hogwarts. As much as I could be a part of the Potter family anyway. The students, for the most part familiar faces, were permitted to come out for the reading of the names and Harry Potter's Speech. I spotted Victoire in the crowd of Gryffindors, trying her best to look sad, but because I knew Victoire so well, I knew she was annoyed. She never told anyone but me how much she hated that her birthday fell on this day out of all the rest. She waved to her parents that were sitting just a few seats from us. I never took my eyes off her and when she found me she smiled. It wasn't a good smile. It was beautiful because Victoire could never not be beautiful but it was sad because she knew what this day was for me. She was being sympathetic. I smiled back almost like saying, "_I'm fine." _Except because she knew me so well, she knew I wasn't.

Ginny poked my leg when Harry began his speech, with her own words telling me to pay attention. And I did but I hated it. I hated listening to these words because I've always heard them. _The people we love never leave us. They died fighting for us and should be remembered. They died trying to make the world a better place and that is the most honorable way to go. _When I was young and I would cry and I would ask where my parents were, somebody was always there to tell me that. I didn't want to hear it. It didn't help. Though nothing ever did anymore. I could hear the sniffling around us, people who lost loved ones. Nana Molly was already crying. Harry concluded his speech and sat back down next to Ginny who held his hand.

Then Professor Mcgonagall began reading the names. I shifted in my seat I wanted to leave. I could apparate right now, but I wouldn't, I feel like I owe it to Harry. I look forward toward Mcgonagall in front of the slab of rock that held the names of each dead person who fought. I owe it to_ them_ more I knew that. The names went on for miles Lavender Brown, Colin Creevey, names of people I never knew.

"Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks." I expected it but I had stopped listened so hearing their names spoken made my ears ring. I kept my eyes forward but I could feel Victoire's gaze, Lily on my left side who was surprisingly quiet this whole time put her hand on mine that was lying motionless on my lap. For being so young she understood a whole lot about this day. A sob escaped Nana Molly behind me. So many people looking at me, I could feel Ginny and Harry, Al and James, everybody with the surname Weasley was looking at me and I hated it. I didn't look back at anybody. And the names continued.

Afterwards when everyone lingered around the castle grounds is when I really realized just how unhappy I was. The last two years away from Hogwarts had helped me understand. I spent my days working part time at Flourish and Blotts which was horrible and babysitting 9 year old Lily which wasn't horrible at all but made me realize just how pointless my life was. The only girl I ever loved was away at Hogwarts, and the fact that I felt like an intruder to the Potter household was getting bigger each day. I had lived there for years now but each year I got older the worse I felt. I knew they loved me like their own son but I knew James, Albus, and Lily would always come first. Which was understandable, I couldn't really get mad about that, it just hurt knowing I wouldn't come first to anybody. Not even Victoire who had more family members than I could even dream of having.

Victoire came and found us and gave the whole family hugs. And when she finally got to me she dragged me away when nobody was looking to a secluded area on the grounds, not too far from everyone but far enough that we felt alone. Without hesitation she kissed me but I, because everybody still didn't know that we were together, broke the kiss and looked over my shoulder to make sure no one could see. She pulled my face back and smiled sadly again.

"The one day of the year when you wear pink hair..." Victoire murmured looking up at the top of my head.

"Bubblegum pink was my mum's favorite." I said trying not to sound too miserable. I don't say it but I also wear my hear pink on Mum's birthday. Only nowadays on my parents birthdays I stay by myself and nobody sees the color of my hair, except Harry and Ginny who usually keep their remarks to themselves.

"I know." Was all she said. And in a way it was more comforting than anything my Gran used to tell me, anything Harry has said. Because Victoire just knew already, she knew how I was feeling and she knew what I needed to hear. I leaned down to kiss her.

"Happy Birthday Vic." We kissed until I had to leave and I hated leaving her.

But I knew then I couldn't stay any longer not just in Victoire's life but in everybody else's.

"Teddy, please don't do this." Harry says for the 7th time. He's following me around my room as I pack clothes in a black and grey backpack I had found in the attic of my Gran's old house, I think it had belonged to my mother.

"I'm sorry." I say for the 8th time

It was the third week of June and everyone had gotten back from Hogwarts a couple days prior. It took most of my energy explaining to Victoire why I had to go. I waited until all the kids and even Ginny was fast asleep until I approached Harry in his office. With Harry staring at me like he wanted me to explode, I had run out of things to say to him. I throw my weird sisters shirt into the bag and zip it up, and throw it over my shoulder. I look at Harry reluctantly and he looks helpless. I look away and put my wand in my pocket and make it down the stairs, with Harry on my tail, to collect my shoes and leave.

"Teddy please I have to take care of you, I'm supposed to watch over you. How am I supposed to do that when you're god knows where and coming back god knows when?" He keeps his voice low because we both know if James and Al wake up they'll be spying on us.

"I appreciate everything you've ever done for me but I'm 19 Harry. You don't need to be my godfather anymore I can take care of myself. You don't have to worry about me."

"I'll always be your godfather." He says quietly

"I need to do this. I can't be here anymore, I hate being this alone."

"Running away from us won't make you feel better. You'll be alone out there too except you won't even have us."

He's right

"You're wrong."

"Leaving won't bring them back." My heart freezes. That's not what I want, well its nothing I can do anyway. They're gone, they've always been gone, I never knew a world when they weren't. I know leaving won't bring them back but I can't stay here when I all I have is memories of them not being here. After I don't say anything Harry speaks again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't enough." I hate myself for doing this to him, for making him believe he wasn't enough, because Harry was great to me, he gave me a childhood that I would have never had if it weren't for him, even before Gran died. I remember visits to Diagon alley, I remember quidditch games, and I remember the day he asked me to move in with him right after Gran died.

"_Why do people keep leaving me?" _

"_They don't do it by choice Teddy, They loved you."_

"_But they left."_

"_I'm still here."_

"_You won't leave?"_

"_Never, here's this, how about you come live with me and Ginny."_

"It's not about that, I'm just older now, you understand right?"

"Most 19 year olds moving out of their homes don't leave for good. They get a flat near home and come for holidays, you say you won't even write? How am I supposed to do that Teddy? Just hope that you're okay? Just hope that you're happy? What am I going to tell the kids?" The lights flicker in Harry's eyes as he says the last part. "If you won't stay for me will you stay for the kids?" He looks at me waiting for a response.

I think of James and Al, who looked at me as an older brother and I think of Lily, sweet rosy cheeked 9 year old Lily, who asked me to tell her stories about Hogwarts and smiles when I make my hair the color of her own and giggles when I make it the color of her cheeks. For a second I think about dropping this argument putting down my bag and running up to her room, throwing her on my shoulders and making her laugh until she cries. But then the moment fades. If I wouldn't stay for Victoire, I wouldn't stay for Lily and I hated myself for it.

"I'm sorry, tell them I love them. I think I'll be back, just not soon." I pull a pack of muggle cigarettes from my pocket and put one in my mouth.

"Will you stop it with that disgusting habit?" Harry says as a reflex then moments later looks as though he regrets saying it. As if he's pushing me away more.

"Thank you." Is all I say before disappearing out of the Potter family house. And it's not enough; thank you could never be enough to say to my godfather for all that he's done.

I appear in the alley way next to a muggle club in the northern part of London. Me and Victoire came here for New Year's last year without telling anyone. We snuck out in the middle of the party the Weasleys always threw at the Burrow; We dressed like muggles and had one of the best nights of our lives. We almost got caught when we disapparated back just a few minutes after midnight by James who was wandering outside. Thinking of Victoire as expected, stings but I pretend like I don't feel it and sit down on the curb lighting the muggle cigarette with my wand.

"_You're breaking up with me?" She said it so accusingly, I had no idea what to say to make her hurt less. _

"_No Vic-" _

"_Well it _sounds_ like you are. You're leaving, you don't even know where, you don't know when you'll come back, you know nothing about the future, about our future, which means you aren't thinking about me which means, you're breaking up with me!?" She says it more as a disbelief like she never thought I would do this to her. I never thought I would. _

"_Vic- it's not like that, I don't want to break up with you- "_

"_Then why are you leaving me."_

"_I'm not leaving just you, I'm leaving everything I need to be by myself for a bit, you know where nobody knows me." She didn't say anything for a while after that. "I thought you would be the one to understand that's why I'm telling you first. You always understand what I need and this is what I need."_

"_Don't try to make me feel bad for not understanding you. Because I might understand you Teddy Lupin but it's when you're being sane! You're being completely daft right now!"_

_It's quiet for a long time as Victoire throws a rock into the beach outside of Shell Cottage._

"_I love you Ted." Her whole tone had changed "Please don't go, please don't leave me." _

But I left her and I hate myself for it.

She'll know I'm gone in the morning when Harry has to owl everybody and tell them I'm gone, ask if they've seen me, which they hadn't. Vic will keep her mouth shut, because even if she did tell them what I said, they wouldn't know where I would go. They'll check the obvious places The leaky Cauldron, Grans old house, The Three Broomsticks, nowhere I would be that careless to go.

I stand up after I'm done with my cigarette, but I only light another one on the way to finding a hotel or anywhere I could stay. Harry was right this was a disgusting habit. As I inhale the smoke that's surrounding me I think of how stupid I've been and for a second I want to run home and hug Harry and tell him he's not just a godfather to me he's a father, he isn't mine in particular but he's done everything he could to be just like it. I can't of course, he probably hates me by now or would be completely furious with me, but Victoire would never know I actually went through with my plans I could apparate into her bedroom and she would be relieved to see me. I couldn't.

When my Gran was dying, I was only 11 years old. It was in the middle of my first year at Hogwarts. Before leaving for Kings Cross I visited her at St. Mungos, and I kind of knew it would be the last year I'd see her, and she knew too. I didn't say that at loud and neither did she but it hung there in the room and we ignored it. I was worrying about sorting and she told me it would be fine that everyone would be proud no matter what house I was in.

"_Edward Lupin. You make me proud of you every single day ever since you were born and you've never stopped."_

I can't help but wonder how Gran must feel right now in whatever Afterlife there is, maybe she's with Mum, maybe not, either way I know she isn't proud of me anymore. And I hate myself for it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N hey guys! So its been awhile since I've posted anything on here but I really wanted to write this so I am! Its going to be a short story and I'm also posting this on but it takes a while for my chapters to be validated and I really want to get my story out there for people who would like to read it, depending on if anybody reads it on here I will stop publishing on both but we'll just see what happens, until then you can contact me on my twitter toopunk4you or on my tumblr .com! Enjoy! Reviews are super appreciated **

**/**

The first time Victoire and I went further into our secret relationship than just snogging in dark corners out of sight, I was wearing my Weird Sisters shirt. I always wore my Weird Sisters shirt. I had it forever. It was my mothers and I think that's why I wore it so much. There were holes ripping their way to the surface constantly, through the armpit, the collar, anywhere, I'd use my wand to mend it occasionally but because I wore it so much they just came back, and I didn't mind it. There were holes there the day I found the shirt in my mum's old trunk of clothes at Grans old home, and I got the feeling maybe she liked the holes so I liked leaving them.

Victoire would make fun of me a lot for wearing it before she found out whose it was. She used to laugh and say that I should buy more clothes and she'd even bought me a new Weird Sisters shirt one Christmas a long time ago, I never wore it and she never said anything about it.

It was the end of Christmas break around two years ago when Victoire had come up to my room at the Potter's. She had originally came over just to help me babysit Lily, but Lily insisted that she go over to the Weasley's to play with Hugo on his birthday last minute, so when Victoire came up to my room and we were suddenly alone for the first time in, it felt like, forever, no responsibilities, no parents, no distractions, it only took seconds to decide what came next. I was terrified but everything felt better with Victoire

It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, but there was a moment just after everything ended that we just laid there on the bed that I enjoyed more than the actual act. We laid there side by side just barely touching looking at the ceiling, going over the events in our heads. There was an unspoken change in us as we laid there and I guess I liked that, I liked that I felt closer to her, I liked that we shared this together. We could have laid there for minutes, hours, several days for all I knew, it felt like forever and it still wouldn't have been enough.

She stood up somewhere in the unreadable timeline of the bliss and I thought she was leaving so I sat up quickly and asked, "Where are you going?"

"It's cold, I'm just getting a shirt. Don't worry I'll be back." She smiled playfully. She looked around on the floor like she was trying to find something other than her own shirt. "Did you know your hair turned a sandy kind of color?" I feel a sudden anxiety come over me because I never wore my normal hair color and I was worried maybe my normal facial features were showing, I quickly changed it back to my normal blue hair and brown eyes, I feel my nose shrink and my eyes get bigger. I never liked wearing my normal face because I didn't like it. I looked too much like my dad and everybody told me, so I stuck to my comfortable blue and laid back down.

Victoire started putting a familiar black shirt over her body and every sense of bliss disappeared from my mind, I jolted back up.

"What are you doing?" I said loudly

"Wearing your shirt sorry is that that not allowed?"

"Don't wear it." She looked at me strange and rolled her eyes. As she took the shirt off she realized it's my Weird Sisters shirt, and loudly, in a true exaggerated Victoire fashion groaned.

"What is with you with this stupid shirt?!" She tosses it at my face almost as if she's jealous of the shirt. "Are you in love with this stupid band?" I grabbed the shirt and put in over my head suddenly feeling cold. Victoire shuffled to put her clothes on and it looked like she was about to make a run to the fire place to floo out of there, but as she grabbed the door handle I barely opened my mouth as I spoke.

"It was my Mum's." I could barely hear myself but maybe it was because I was so nervous of Victoire leaving that the ringing inside my head wouldn't stop. "The shirt was my Mum's." Victoire froze and slowly turned around. Her eyes were full of sadness and piling up tears.

"Teddy I'm so sorry I had-" she ran over to the bed "I had no idea." She put her hands on my cheeks but decided against it and threw her arms around me. "Yell at me, I was stupid you should be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you Vic." She broke the hug and kissed me.

"I'm so sorry. I love you."

For the next two years, whenever we had moments alone, summer holidays, late night sneak outs to the room of requirement, whenever we got a chance to feel as close as we did in my room, Victoire wouldn't so much as reach for my shirt laying on the floor, forgotten long ago. A few times I offered her to wear one, if I happened to be wearing anything but my Weird Sisters shirt. And she accepted the offer happily. Maybe it was just the way she looked in my shirts but I was starting to think maybe I would even let her wear it one day.

After that Victoire never made fun of me for wearing the shirt constantly.

It was unbearably warm in this motel room, almost suffocating. The blonde hair on my chest wasn't attached to Victoire's but it was easy to pretend that it was when I couldn't see the girl's face. I couldn't put my finger on her name but I didn't care. Distraction, I told myself, just a distraction, it had nothing to do with the fact that she had blonde hair just like Victoire (Although no freckles) I try to remember back to our conversation when I met the muggle girl at the bar down the street .

"_My name's Suzie." _No that wasn't it.

"_My name's Sally." _Maybe that was it.

"_My name's-" _

My thoughts are interrupted by the mindless laughter of Sarah. She was talking the last minute and I wasn't listening. It was probably about my hair, she wouldn't shut up about it.

"My ex-boyfriend like hated the color blue like he'd probably be so jealous." She laughs again and I don't say anything. "I've never had sex with a boy with blue hair." I roll my eyes when she looks away. She turns her face up to me and playfully smiles.

"You're very good at it Theodore." I'm sure my face looks contorted and annoyed

"Excuse me?"

"Theodore, that's what Teddy is short for."

"It's short for Edward."

"That doesn't even make sense." She looks away and flicks her hair in my face. "Why are you named Edward and called Teddy that's stupid. The word Ted isn't even in Edward."

"I was named after somebody; sorry it doesn't meet your criteria." She doesn't look phased by my bitter tone at all, I start to think she doesn't even know what the word criteria means.

She stands up and I think maybe she's about to leave. She only has her underwear on, which that reminds me of the clothes laying around the room.

"Are you going?" I ask I hopefully don't seem _too_ disappointed, I regretted asking her to come back to my room before we even got back and I didn't want her to over stay the welcome.

"No, don't worry." She winks "Just going to the bathroom." She shivers. "It's quite cold in here don't you think?" I don't answer. She reaches on the floor and picks up a black shirt that I recognize as my Weird Sisters shirt. I look at Sophia with an uncontrolled look of bewilderment. It's half way down her body when I stand up.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting on your shirt, its cold."

"Take it off."

"Gosh, Theodore you're just ready for more aren't you?" She says in a frisky voice that makes me want to puke. Why did I invite her again? _A distraction I _remind myself.

"It's short for Edward for God's sake and I'm not ready for more! I just don't want you wearing my stupid shirt!" She pouts.

"What? Why? I just want to wear it, it smells like you."

"You barely know who I am you don't know what I bloody smell like!" I yell

"Don't yell at me!"

"Then take off my shirt!" She rips of the shirt, I'm scared for a minute that she may have ripped it but I remember I'm a wizard a half a second later and I can mend it.

"Maybe you should go."

"What?!"

"I'm going out, you should go I'm not going to be here." I grab my shirt she threw on the bed and rush it over my shoulders and begin to stand up.

"Wait please I'm sorry I won't wear your shirt." She almost sounds sincere "I can come with you, we should go back to the bar my Ex-boyfriend works there and seeing us together would make him totally like jealous." I groan and step into my jeans.

"No offense but I'm not interested in you in the slightest."

"Not interested?! You just slept with me."

"Sorry Samantha. I need to go." I stick my wand in my pocket, concealing it so she doesn't see. I head towards the door. And before it closes behind me I hear.

"MY NAME IS SOPHIA YOU PRAT." I hate that I don't feel guilty for leaving her. I hate that I don't feel guilty that I didn't know her name. But I do feel guilty for sleeping with her. I think of Victoire and how much she would hate me if she knew. Probably almost as much as I hate myself.

I don't bother to apparate because I end up outside at that stupid club again. And I'm thinking about Victoire again. I sit on the sidewalk, just outside the door, people walk by occasionally, but none look at me, I start to think I may have accidently cast an invisibility spell, people generally, especially muggles, look at me like I was crazy. I sit there a while doing nothing wishing for a time turner to appear out of thin air so I could go back in time and stop myself from sleeping with that girl. I then pull out the pack of muggle cigarettes.

"Hey, mind if I take one of those?" A voice comes from somewhere but I don't take too much interest in who it comes from and I toss a cigarette from the pack to the dark outline of someone covered by the shadows. It turns out I'm not actually invisible tonight. The figure steps forward into the only street light on the road.

"Nice hair." The voice turns out to be a girl. She's tiny, smaller than Victoire's sister Dominque who was mostly known for resemblance to a midget. Victoire used to tell her she was adopted from a goblin family who said she was too ugly for them. She believed it until she was 10 years old. I almost laugh thinking about it.

The girl herself looked very normal, but she wore torn jeans that looked like it was more holes than fabric and a shirt with words that didn't look familiar, she seemed to have small features like the rest of her body, small nose, small eyes, I couldn't tell the color, but what really sparked something inside of me was her hair. It was short and a dark pink color. I had seen my mother wear that color many times in younger pictures of her that Gran had. I must have looked at her a long time without saying anything because she looked at me strange. And it was almost relieving because of the neglect of passerbys on the street. Without talking she takes a seat next to me on the pavement and pulls out a lighter. She offers me a light, which I'm grateful for because I wasn't going to exactly pull out my wand and light a fire. I should assume she's a muggle but she has a certain way to her that makes me think she isn't.

"Are you a-" I stop because I realize how incredibly not normal it would be to ask someone if they were a witch, and just a tad insulting if she thought I was being rude. She looks at me waiting for the rest of my question. "I mean where- where are you from?"

"Small town way north of here. Dodgy little place." She says it like its nothing. She takes a puff, "You?"

"Somewhere in the west country it's a real small village."

"Suppose you're running away from something too." She looks at me like she's holding a secret that I'm supposed to be in on, but I feel lost.

"I guess you can look at it that way." Everything tells me she can't be a witch I'm in the middle of London what are the chances I would meet someone like me here? She wasn't dressed like a witch, but then again I'm not dressed like a wizard. But our similarity in hair tells me different. If she was a metamorphmagus like me she wouldn't dress in common witch wear anyway. "Left my godfather's house a few nights ago."

She doesn't say anything like she understands better than I know she does. She just nods her head and looks up at me.

"Desiree, by the way." She extends her hand and I shake it.

"Teddy." I think back to the girl from the bar. "Short for Edward, not Theodore." I say quickly. She gives me a look that's somewhere in between being about to burst out in laughter and being immensely concerned for my well-being.

"Are you a-" I stop myself for the second time, probably sounding more stupid than if I would just spit it out. I can't just blurt that out though, so I shift the subject. "I mean- your hair- it's uh- nice." She looks at me not acknowledging anything I said and bursts out in laughter.

"Are you high?"

"High…" I ponder the muggle term trying to remember what it means. She laughs.

"Bloody hell, is it weed?"

"That muggle stuff?" The word slips out without even thinking itself over. It such common speak for me I don't even question saying it, but the moment it's out of my mouth I look away from Desiree.

"Muggle Weed? Well I've never heard of that, Is it like a really strong type?"

I don't answer.

"So." She touches the top of my hair lightly. "What brand is this? I've tried to get this color before, spent bloody five hours with the dye on my head thinking it would make it sink in more. I fell asleep with it on." She laughs. "Turned black. Don't ask me how I don't know how those damned things work."

I laugh because I don't know what to say, I get an urge to change my hair black. Sometimes I just get bored of what I have, sometimes I think whatever I have isn't enough not just for me but everyone around me, it's a stupid complex I have as a metamorphmagus. I have to control it of course because obviously I was wrong about the girl, she wasn't a metamorphmagus and god knows what she would think if my blue hair dissolved into black. I haven't worn my hair black in so long. I used to mimic Harry's hair color since I had been a young child. Forever making onlookers think I was Harry Potter's son. When ever we would go out people would point at me and him, he hated the attention, I didn't mind. The public used to dote on me, but then found out who was really my father and they kind of took a step back, before, of course, they slandered me and my father.

_**The Daily Prophet**_

_**Harry Potter raising werewolf children?**_

_**Harry Potter Seen with Lanky Werewolf Pup.**_

___"Why isn't The Prophet being nice anymore?"_

_ "Don't listen to the Prophet, they're a bunch of cruel people who don't know what's really going on anyway." _

_ "…I'm not even a werewolf. And even If I was, so what?" I was naive at that age, I wish that I could go back into believing there were no prejudges in the wizarding world. Harry suddenly stopped what he was working on behind his desk and stood up and came over to me. He kneeled down to my size._

_ "Teddy, Many people in the world don't really see werewolves as equals, but you know better, you know not to judge someone based on something they can not control."_

_ "Werewolves are people too." Harry smiled at me as I said it like he was proud. "Dad was a person too."_

_ "Yes, your father was a person too, a damn good one, Better person than a lot of people who weren't werewolves."_

"…...good but I never really trusted my friend Lissie ever since the fish incident at Kingsbury." She looks at my distant eyes still stuck in the past. "Were you just listening to a thing I said?"

After I wake up from my thoughts and when I look at her, she can tell I hadn't heard a thing she said, I hadn't meant to be rude but the memories just come without notice.

We stay quiet for a little and we sit in the smoke surrounding us.

"You plan on going in anytime soon?"

"In where?"

"What are you daft? The club right behind us you arse." I turn my body around only now remembering the club and the muggles filing in and out.

"I hadn't really planned on it, I haven't been in there in a very long time…" I think of New Years Eve years ago, the short dress Victoire was wearing, the pinkness of her lips and the way she laughed at all the stupid things muggles did to look interesting and cool. When I try to think of the club that night, I can't even remember what it looks like, or the people inside. All I knew was Victoire in the dim lights of the club, when she was there, there was no club. Just my Victoire, being beautiful.

"I came here once with a friend."

"Oh, you came here before. I've never been, that's what I was saying when you dozed off to Neverland for a few minutes."

"Neverland?"

"You've never seen Peter Pan?"

"Peter Pan?"

"WHO are you!?" She makes a combination of a yell and a laugh.

"We've been through this Desiree I'm Teddy…" I joke, At least I could remember her name….

"Short for Edward not Theodore, I know." I smile at her, a real smile. I was caught off guard by her ability to listen. Her ability to know Teddy wasn't short for stupid Theodore but for Edward. She looks away, she probably feels awkward that I've been smiling for so long, but it's nice to meet someone out here that doesn't make me want to die of boredom.

"Anyway….." She looks down at the ground where she threw her cigarette. She stomps on it and swivels her black boots. "I think I'm going to go in, you coming?" She stands up quickly and extends her hand.

"Nah, I don't really feel like seeing….people." She frowns.

"And here I am thinking we had a connection." She puts her once extended hand in her pocket and leans forward. "You thought my hair- was uh- nice." She mimics me showing me just how stupid I sounded. I laugh, actually loudly.

"It is nice…my mum, she used to have that color." I don't know why I said it. I wouldn't normally, my mother and father isn't my favorite topic, I only ever talk about them to Harry or Victoire, but Desiree made this feel like it wasn't real, like I was sleeping and dreaming of a younger version of my mom, here to tell me I was being stupid and that I should go back home. Desiree put the world on hold and made me feel like I wasn't missing anything important back home with my family even though I probably was.

"Your mum…had pink hair?" She looks at me strange. "Cool mum. Mines a drag, haven't spoke to her in years, 6 years this July to be exact." I get curious about her mother and I want to ask more questions but by the way she looks away and starts swaying her hips she doesn't want to talk about it. "So if you're not going in-"

"Why haven't you spoken to your mother in 6 years?" She looks at me with surprise

"Ran away 6 years ago, both my parents were annoying me. Always in my business, I don't want any part of them. Left and never stopped going." The idea bewildered me. Being able to know your parents but choosing not to. "Let's go I'll buy you a drink Teddy short for Edward." I stood up but I did not follow her. She looked back at me when she was almost to the door.

"What?"

"How could you do that?"

"Do what? You're creeping me out Peter pan-"

"Just leave your parents like that! Waste time you have with you parents!" my voice is raised and we're definitely get looks now. A few girls in the corner of the alley way next to us looked up from the substance they were sharing and gave us dirty looks.

"I don't think that's any of your business actually."

"It's just not fair!" I yelling now and I can tell she thinks I'm crazy, maybe I am crazy. The anger bubbling inside of me tells me I am. I'm never this angry. I pride myself on, as Victoire calls it "going with the flow." I was a Hufflepuff at school I didn't start trouble I didn't get mad at people, I was the kind one, sure I got in loads of trouble but it was all in good fun, but right now I feel like I could break something, I feel the least bit of myself I feel less like Teddy Lupin and more like a hot tempered mad man.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" she raises her voice above mine to show me she has a voice in this conversation too I guess, that's what Victoire used to do when we fought, but we never fought about serious things. We fought about telling the family about being together and what I said to Victoire when she asked me if her butt looked big in her Hogwarts skirt.

"MY PARENTS DIED. I NEVER GOT TO BLOODY KNOW THEM AND YOU- and you, you waste time you could be with your parents. How could you?" I feel like I'm going to cry and as stupid as I would look crying in the middle of a crowded street in London, I feel relieved, crying seems more like me than yelling.

I try not to make eye contact with Desiree but I can tell she looks almost sorry, not that she ran away from her parents but that my parents died and I was an orphan like everybody else who ever pitied me. I hate it, I hate that look.

"Listen I'm real sorry about your parents mate, but you don't know my life, you don't know my parents."

I don't say anything I turn my body away from her. I want to walk away but I can't. I feel glued to the sidewalk the same way the muggles' surrounding us eyes were glued on us.

"Aren't you just doing the same thing then? Don't pretend you're all high and mighty yeah?! What about your godfather you were talking about? You left him like I left my parents. You have no right to talk you arrogant mess!" She steps forward towards me.

It only makes me madder, mostly because she's right in some way. I may be wasting my time with Harry and Ginny and the kids but she knows nothing, she has no idea how painful it was for me to stay.

"That is completely different." I try to steady my breathing. Try to relax. Try not to want to rip my wand out of my pocket and hex this stupid muggle. I think it's working but then I see Desiree's eyes which I can tell are blue now because of how close we are, grow bigger. She looks almost frightened.

"Stop looking at me like that, I'm not going to-"

"DID YOUR HAIR JUST CHANGE COLOR?"

I suddenly notice the lose strands of my hair in my face, which look a bit green, which I could tell would be shocking, changing from blue right in front of your eyes, unless you were a wizard and saw those types of things daily.

I shove my hand through my hair nervously, messing it up.

"What are you on about my hair was always green." I hope it sounds believable.

I couldn't always control my metamorphmagus powers, no metamorphmagus could, it was like being a young wizard or witch causing chaos in your household, but forever. When I'm mad or sad, or embarrassed my hair will change. Sometimes I just lose control and the hair will dissolve into different colors and length and I won't know until I look into the mirror, or if somebody tells me, like Desiree who looks like she is trying to convince herself she isn't going crazy.

"NO. Your hair was not green! It was blue I remember I told you- I told you 'nice hair' I meant it because it was blue not- not… not BLOODY GREEN."

"What is wrong with you? You just- you saw it different because of the light." She steps even closer to me and holds on to the collar of my Weird Sisters shirt which had already been stretched out from the muggle girl ripping it off earlier.

"I am not crazy Teddy short for stupid Edward! I saw your hair change right before my eyes how the hell did you do that!?

"You need help." I say shoving her off of me. I'm mostly mad still about the senseless business about her parents, but a part of me is upset. I really thought me and Desiree hit it off, not in a romantic way not in a way that would ever touch Victoire and I, but in a way that made me feel less alone out here on these streets.

I turn away quickly and start walking away.

"PISS OFF" she yells after me. And I piss off. I want nothing to do with her if she's going to accuse me of running away from Harry, away from a world she knows nothing about. I don't want her to yell at me about the color of my hair, I don't want her to be near me I don't need a bossy pink haired girl in my life anyway. As soon as I'm out of sight I make my hair blue again and instantly feel more comfortable. I apparate into my motel room where thankfully Sarah/Sophia/Samantha isn't.

That feels like years ago.

But being with Victoire, that feels like lifetimes ago and I hate how distant I feel from her. But I keep on pushing further; every step I make to the shower in the dirty motel room is a step further away from her. I'll keep on pushing and it makes me worry how I've already forgotten why I'm pushing away in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Teddy?" _

_ "Ya Vic?"_

_ "Mum said you don't have a mum." The small seven year old blonde haired girl rolled over on the bed she was sharing with her best friend. She faced the boy with the blue hair and looked sad._

_ "Sure I do, and a dad." _

_ "But they're not here with us." The boy frowned _

_ "No not anymore but Harry says that doesn't mean they're gone." It's quiet for a little while._

_ "Do you ever think of them?"_

_ "Loads"_

_ "Does it make you sad?"_

_ "All the time." The blue haired boy lowers his eyes off the girl._

_ "I'm sorry Teddy." The girl looks up at the face of her friend to see it change before her eyes, although this was something he did often the face he wore now was one she had never seen. The freckled face of the girl stared at the new sandy brown hair and green eyes. "What face is that?"_

_ He paused, "My real one." The boy suddenly got up without warning and reached for something in his sock draw. "Here look at this."_

_ The picture was of two people the girl had never seen before, a man and young girl. The young girl was laughing and looked like she could never not be happy; her hair was a bubblegum pink color. The man looked old, but maybe it was because of the scars on his face and the tattered conditions of his robes. He smiled though, looking at the camera and then back down at the woman's face. _

_ "You look just like your dad." The girl said comparing the two faces._

_ "Yeah that's what harry says, him and Gran are the only ones who's seen my face."_

_ "And me?"_

_ "And you." The sudden secret between the two kids delighted the girl beyond belief. Looking back down at the picture she sees the woman in the picture had changed her hair to purple._

_ "Your mom can change hair just like you!" the girl exclaimed, the boy smiled. _

_ "Yep, she wore mostly pink though." The image of the young girl changed back to pink hair and the boy erased his own sandy hair to pink to match his mothers. The two kids spent the next minutes looking at the picture, the boy who had looked at the picture so much, knew the picture by heart and looked more at the girl than the photo. She held the picture inches away from her face as if trying to memorize it._

_ "I wish I would have got to know them." The girl says after a while._

_ "Me too." _

_ "They must have been wonderful people though."_

_ "How do you suppose?" _

_ "They gave me you." The girl smiles widely at the boy and he smiles back, glad to have someone to be important to. The girl stretches her arms out to hug the boy around his thin waist and pulls him into a childlike hug. _

_Later on that night when the two kids slept in the boy's bed, the pink haired boy stayed up thinking of his normal face and his normal hair. He thought of his parents so frequently but with the girl he had felt better when he talked about them, he smiled. He felt his hair change back to his comfortable blue. In the night he was sure he could hear the small girl with her small voice say,_

"_Thank you for giving me my Teddy Mr. and Mrs. Lupin." _

I am half drunk. It's hours later, days maybe, weeks? I lost track. Usually it was 5 drinks of muggle alcohol that just to made my eyes feel droopy. Muggle drinks never affected me that much. I had lost count of how many I had. I remember reaching 10 and thinking I'd better stop before I was leaving to go to the bathroom every few minutes. I didn't stop, I don't know why, I don't think at all anymore, when I try to remember I can't.

I went back to the motel somewhere after 17 drinks, the bartender stopped looking at me funny because of my hair but started because of my ability to not stop drinking. But used to the looks, I continued. But now laying on the hard bed, damaging my back more every night I stayed here, I wish I hadn't. Whatever I drank tonight affected me different than Firewhiskey ever had. I've only had a lot of firewhiskey a hand full of times, parties in the Hufflepuff common room, stolen bottles at holidays with Victoire, and I can only remember it enhancing my time and my mind. I never felt bad when I had drank firewhiskey, then again I never drank alone.

I felt sad. Sad because of the mysterious pink haired girl and her accusations, sad because I couldn't apparate to Victoire. I felt stupid, stupid for leaving, I felt guilty and I felt lonely. If I had been in a good state I probably would be wondering how it was possible to feel all that just by drinking. It was like I was laying on a bed of misery, like it would never end. I felt tired, completely just wiped out, but it was like I couldn't fall asleep like I was stuck in between awake and asleep just feeling the conscious of my mind just a little too much and a little too less.

The worst part was as I was laying there I stopped being able to picture things clearly in my mind. I couldn't see Victoire right. All of a sudden I was asking my sloppy self, did Victoire have dark brown eyes or light ones? Or where they blue? I couldn't remember the specific placement of her freckles and how far they went up on her nose, the shape of her earlobes, the sparkle in her eye. Without a clear image of Victoire in my head, I had never felt further from home.

Home. Was that really my home? The Potter house? The Potter home contained the people I loved most, but did I belong there? The answer now, looking at the moldy ceiling of this motel room made it feel more definite than usual, was no. I had lived there since I was 11 but I couldn't call it my home, I felt comfortable there, I had Harry and Ginny, and three younger 'siblings' that adored the hell out of me. But my last name wasn't Potter. It was Lupin. Stupid Lupin. Stupid Remus Lupin.

I felt angry suddenly, Firewhiskey never made me mad. I wasn't a mad person, why have I been getting so mad recently, I don't like it. I'll blame it on the alcohol tonight but tomorrow when I was sober I knew I would have to find a new excuse. And I'm sure It would be the absence of Victoire

Of all the words I have heard used to describe my father, it was never stupid. In fact it was smart, intelligent, brilliant even. I used to think maybe Harry had begun to talk him up, to make me feel better about myself and the parents I never knew, but then I went to Hogwarts and teachers and ghosts all said how exceptionally genius he had been. I heard more about how much he had gotten in trouble with his group of friends called the marauders, but there wasn't a teacher who knew him that didn't agree with the declaration of him as a genius. And I agreed too because there were many a time when I didn't even try in class, I was too busy being 'aloof' and challenging the authority of the castle, when I didn't get a chance to study, and I found myself passing a potions test I thought I was hardly ready for. I understood things easily, things came to me quickly.

Remus Lupin, from what I understood was a genius man, who got held down by his disability. It was clear to know just how clever he was, he had become a teacher, a short amount of time though due to being a werewolf. He could have done better things, he wanted to do better things I'm sure. he could of became something important to the Ministry, get a permanent place at Hogwarts as the Defense the Dark Arts professor, Merlin knows he was qualified for it, He could have become a bloody Auror like mum, but it must have been hard, I pitied the memory of my father most.

So I thank my father for my exceptional ability to not be a complete daft freak, but right now with the muggle substance swimming in my veins, that was about all I thanked him for. Sober, I had the utmost respect for my father, in the current cloudy drunk mind of mine I could remember the admiration I had for him. I remember wanting to be him, wanting to be as talented as him, there was even a small time as a child I told Harry I would like to be a werewolf. In his dismay he shook his head and told me not to ever wish that.

But right now all I could think about was how he left me. Mum too, but for some reason the bitter taste on my tongue was due to not only just the alcohol but the memory of just Remus Lupin. My mum was somewhere deep in my mind, too far in for me to find, so I left her there for another thought of my absent father was enough to keep my eyes open in this dream like state I was in.

_I was a baby. He left me. I was only a baby_

I stand up without planning it and end up tripping over my feet. I was clumsy enough sober, I had a feeling being drunk would only make it ten times worse. I once punched Victoire in the face at a quidditch match, completely sober, once out of pure excitement of a score of the team I was rooting for. She forgave me of course, she was always the loudest to laugh at my clumsiness. The thought of Victoire wasn't enough to keep away the image of my father.

"Stupid…" I barely realize it leaves my lips. My detached body finds my backpack I had left the Potter house with two weeks ago. It's like my hands are acting without my permission, they seem to know what they're looking for so I let them continue. At the bottom of the bag is a picture. The frame is an old one Gram had, it's bulky and brown and it looks archaic.

They've never stopped smiling. It never ends. They get to smile forever. My mum's hair changes purple the exact time my father looks down at her and beams. I've memorized their movements like I've memorized this picture. It wasn't the only one I had of them but one of the few I had of them together, and it was my favorite. I know the exact time my mum shifts her weight on her left foot and hugs my dad closer. I know the exact time my father puts his arm behind his neck and awkwardly scratches it like he's nervous, a habit I picked up myself. I know the exact start and end of each movement, except the smiling, it never would stop. They loved each other.

_Was I nothing to them?_

I hate myself for thinking things like that.

"If you were here none of this would have happened!" I'm not sure if it comes out even as words but I feel it and the impact it has on me. _Be grateful of what your mother and father have done for you. Respect their memory. _Harry always told me, and I always had. I still do, but how can I not be mad for them leaving me.

"Stupid….WANKER." I don't know why I'm talking directly to my dad but I speak toward the scarred face man with tattered robes who looks way older than he should. I throw the picture frame at the wall on impulse, listening to the authority of my hands yet again. I feel the magic fly through my fingers. I hadn't lost control of magic since I was a child without a wand to channel it through. I hear a shattering but I notice the hole it left in the wall first.

I rush to the picture, remembering what I had done. I detach the crushed frame from the wall and notice a rip right down the middle of the picture. All of a sudden I feel like a child. Less drunk, more Teddy Lupin, but a big baby. I fall down to the ground and put my head in my hands rubbing my eyes so hard I think they might pop out. I look at the shattered and torn picture in front of me. In the broken pieces of glass I notice my hair was currently a horrible mixture of colors. I couldn't even focus enough to change it to one color. There were yellows, browns, blues, pinks, every color I could imagine, it looked horrible. My eyes had switched to my normal green eyes that I hardly ever wore. I look at myself in that reflection for as long as I can handle, which isn't long because I hate looking at how much of a mess I am.

I grab my wand out of my pocket and try a few spells at the photo in front of me frantically trying to piece it back together. I can't tell if my drunkenness is the only factor to the inability to successfully perform a repairing charm. They next thing I know I transfigure my right shoe into an eggplant and knock over the lamp on the dresser with a spell I didn't even know the name of. The lamp shatters causing only more of a mess over the floor. I put down the picture, maybe I'll try when I'm sober.

I lay down on the floor then, the glass crushes under my body and I feel a few small shards go in my back, I don't feel it too much. I turn on my side and look at the rusted heater on the bottom of the wall. Left there to rust. Like me. Though still drunk, enough sense comes back to me to scold myself for being so stupid by comparing myself to an old rusted motel heater.

I feel my eyes close, and for a minute I smile because sleep is the only thing I can imagine right now that could make me feel better, except maybe Victoire. Her image becomes clearer in my mind and I thank my body for getting the alcohol out of my system. I see her blue eyes, her freckles, exact placement, I see her small earlobes, and the sparkle in her eyes.

"Am I being stupid?" I can't tell if it actually comes out of my mouth or if I'm just thinking it in my head. I think of Victoire again, of Harry, Ginny, James, Al, Lily. I think of Victorie's sister and brother I think of Rose and Hugo, I think of Fred and Roxanne I think of Nana Molly and Grandad Weasley. All these people I grew up with, who helped me become who I am, who helped give me a life that I never appreciated, or at least wasn't showing appreciation to it now.

I missed them all; I don't know if they missed me. Did they hate me because I was gone? _Was I being stupid_? I ask myself again.

"Dad." I speak directly to the man in the photo again. I close my eyes and picture his face. Except younger. I picture the picture Harry had showed me at 13 grimmauld place in his godfather's room. The picture of four friends. Harry's father looking just like Harry himself with his messy hair, Sirius looking exactly how I've heard him described, poor little Peter Pettigrew smiling but looking outside of an inside joke, and my father. Remus Lupin. Young but old in the face. Scars and bags under his eyes. But he was smiling and he looked happy.

"Dad. What would you do?" I don't expect an answer I never talk directly to them because of that. "Should I go back home?" I can almost hear a yes in my mind but I know it's just my consciousness messing me about. "I'm sorry." I say it to no one in particular, I say it to myself, I say it Victoire, I say it to Harry, I say it to the pink haired girl called Desiree, I say it to my mum and dad for disrespecting them and disappointing them.

I think about home again shortly before my eyes close and if I would call the Potter home it. I conclude that where ever Victoire would be. That would be my home. I hope I remember that thought in the morning because playing around with thoughts like that could lead me to going home, and I think at this point that's what I'm looking for, an excuse to go home, to quell my pride and walk back into the life I was meant to live.

I close my eyes and fall into a dreamless sleep in seconds.


End file.
